Recently, I finished reading the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldridge. The books deals with the search that little girls and then women face to answer the questions:
Am I captivating?
Do I have a role to play in the adventure of life?
Am I beautiful?
Reading this book was a life-changing experience for me as I am now at the crossroads of learning to love myself, or to return to old patterns. As little girls we ask our fathers, or our male guardian these questions. If we are met with abandonment (intentional or unintentional), invalidation or abuse then we will struggle through our adolescence, and adult lives. This can lead young women to substance abuse, mental illness, promiscuity, difficulty in maintaining healthy relationships, abusive or inappropriate relationships, impulsive behaviours, social isolation, and even self-harm as ways to sooth these deep wounds. This life theme will repeat with similar experiences until we are ready to break the cycle. It takes courage to make the choice to change your life for the better, and that means being vulnerable yet strong.
Someone saw my inner beauty when I did not, and told me of it out of an act of unconditional love. Their unconditional love was the catalyst to cause me to start my spiritual quest. It led me to return to my former Christian faith after many years of being away. Again spiritual faith is a highly personal thing for each person. I urge whom ever is reading this to find what is best for your own heart. It doesn’t really matter who you call God just that you love him, her or it with a fierce passion.
My own heart is becoming beautiful and whole once again. It’s not easy, but those things in life that we love so passionately rarely don’t come without a fight. It’s my hope that you can find the beauty in Bethany Dilion’s song “Beautiful” and the video.