Motherhood: Brave New World

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Dylan Thomas and I cuddling at the hospital.

Sometimes we are given the opportunity to learn a great deal about who we really are or to see new depths of ourselves that can be very eye-opening. On the night of July 29th, I began a physical and mental journey  that ended differently from what I expected to happen at the end of my pregnancy. I felt physically ill with what appeared to be the stomach flu, and tried to go to bed. I could not sleep that night at all as I felt sick. Very early in the morning I went up to the hospital where the doctor told me that I was 2 cm dilated.

He said that I had already been in labour most of the night. He also called the closest hospital with a maternity unit, and my husband and I left right away so they could admit me. The drive to the hospital was a long one as my contractions were getting much stronger along the way. I was in labour until the wee hours of July 30th when I was no longer progressing at 7 cm dilated. My ob/gyn ordered an emergency caesarean section.

Now a c-section is performed with your lower half-frozen with an epidural done through the spine, but you are still awake. It is a very surreal feeling when you know that they are performing abdominal surgery, you cannot feel anything, and are talking to your doctors at the same time. I gave birth to a son, Dylan Thomas, at 2:30 am on July 30th who weighs 9 pounds 10 ounces. When I was being operated on I quoted the Welsh poet Dylan Thomas, who wrote “Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night” when I heard my son cry for the first time. I said one line and the doctor finished the next line. You could say that Dylan chose his own name by virtue of his lungs. He is starting off his life by making his presence known, and I hope that through raising him I can help him find his own way in this world.

The past 48 hours have been a very steep learning curve for me. One of the things I am learning from this is I am capable of more physically and mentally than I thought that I was before. The long labour, healing process from surgery and adjusting to motherhood are all a lot for one person to deal with all at once. Patience and love towards myself are an important part of nourishing my soul, so I can care best for my son. Also, that no matter how prepared one is for a situation that life will be full of surprises that will teach you a great deal about yourself. It is wonderful to be a beautiful soul who is in the process of learning to live in the imperfect world that is our temporary home.

Wishing all of you the best that life and love have to offer.

Amanda

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