Unsent Words

Fire between my legs,

Itch I can’t scratch,

Cat in heat howling at the moon,

Stirs when I think of you,

Thought only girls caught butterflies,

I will never let you know:

How much my body craves you,

How my heart yearns to know you,

How my soul swears that it already does,

Longing to fade into you,

Letting go takes all of me,

So unsent words you will not see.

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I Will Never Let You Know

This song ” I Will Never You Know” is from the Nashville television series and is this morning’s ear worm. I am in a reflective mood this morning. There has been a big theme of loss in my life the past few years. There are gifts that emerge from walking through the valley, but you have moments too where you feel like your heart got cracked open. Mine is cracked open from grief. God lets the light shine from inside those cracks.

The Necessary Betrayal

Hello everyone,

My previous blog post to this one was dated back in December just shortly after my father passed away as a result of a long two year battle with cancer. The grief is still at times very raw and fresh. My sensitive heart needed time away from writing when I could not even string together a coherent thought beyond coping with my day to day experiences. As a mother, my limited energy needed to be channeled towards caring for my son. I realized recently that I have been operating from a state of depletion when I give to others in my various relationships whether that is my spouse, son, family members or my friends. One cannot give to others if you have nothing to share. Veronica Krestow shares a personal experience where she had to make a very difficult choice to put her needs first before those of a loved one, and examines the difference between giving to satisfy your ego and genuinely giving from a space of love. I recently made a similar choice in my own life that was very difficult, but I know intuitively will have a far better result for all those involved. Hope that you can find some wisdom from Veronica sharing her personal story.

Amanda

Hollows

it aches when the wind goes through my bones,

turning a collar up to the unknown,

November’s chilly winds set mournful tones,

I don’t know what will be from fall’s seeds sown.

~

Is the sun behind those grey clouds?

where is that radiant light I knew.

needing comfort like scent of Irish stew

I don’t fit any more in these crowds.

~

My foot fall crunches leaves under me

It will be a long, hard season

As I set sail for an icy sea

it aches the heart without reason

I Know You Care

Sometimes my blog posts are just about sharing what I find to be very moving. Ellie Goulding’s song “I Know You Care” is music that moved me to tears. Lately, I have been thinking about attachment and love. The past couple of years a lot of close family members, and friends have been going in and out of my life. These partings whether it is through death or it is their time to move on can be very painful. This song and blog post are dedicated to a dear friend who recently parted my life and will be missed.

Amanda

Can You Hold the Rain?

you come and go inside me

gazing into the gentle eyes of a wild stallion

listening to roar of high rock winds

their cries heard but echoes not held

storm clouds gather in misty skies

torrents caught in earth’s nooks and crannies

before absorbed by Gaia once again

water droplet balanced on verdant growth

as the flowing water or high winds…

they travel their own way in time

same as I do; this wild mare looking back at you

can you hold the rain?

(c) Amanda Wilson 2013