Night Moves

Just you, me and our thoughts

gentle voice heard in the mind

once upon a time…

those words thought to be only my own

~

Tied to you by the red thread of fate

unsure of quite how we are

a story in an epic adventure penned by us

cannot read ahead to ending

both hoping that it will be a happy one

~

Sitting in a coffee shop at midnight

looking out at the quiet street

sipping a cheap coffee made perfect

by the pecan, cinnamon and apple explosion

your spirit sitting next to me in the window’s reflection

~

Into the night I wander as you slumber

yet you travel beside me

my faithful soul connection gazing at bright stars

midnight and cobalt blue sky lit up

and the night moves along with us

 

(c) Amanda Wilson 2013

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Still in the Oven

It appears that my child is enjoying the Jacuzzi tub and free buffet meals in my womb. This is wonderful that he or she finds it comfortable in there, but it will be nice to finally meet the new arrival. Today is July 26th, which is now two days past my due date. I am feeling an odd mixture of amusement, anxiety, and frustration as I haven’t given birth yet. The last couple of week of pregnancy can be trying for most women at the best of times as we feel uncomfortable and anxious.

Well meaning family and friends keep asking so when is the baby arriving? My most common answer is either when the child decides he or she is ready to come out, or when my doctor will induce me on July 31st. Inducing labour is normally only done when the mother and baby are both about a week past the due date, or there is a risk to both the mother and child. Thankfully, I am blessed that both myself and the gummy bear are healthy.

Not having control over my body is a very new situation for me that lately has tested my patience. No first time mother knows how labour will go, so my anxiety has been a little higher than usual. This anxiety combined with pregnancy hormones at their height is making life interesting at the moment. I am not feeling like myself at the moment when I swing between frustration and feeling so emotional.

The lesson I am learning from this experience is how in most situations it is important to surrender control to a higher power over the potential outcome, and to be patient as well as compassionate with myself. Laughing at myself when hormones cause me to feel out of sorts is one way to cope with their wackiness. Sometimes you learn the most about yourself when you don’t feel like who you are normally. My life experiences have caused me to be self-aware of who I am, as well as, what most of my quirks are. By this I mean that you learn what your limits are, and how you cope when they are pushed.

Once you start to heal from the aftermath of trauma there are aspects of the experience that can be blessings. Wisdom can come from experiencing brokenness. One thing I realized recently is that I need to be physically rested to self regulate my mood. In the third trimester it can become much harder to find a comfortable sleeping position as the baby bump and various pregnancy symptoms make it much harder to sleep well. Making time for a nap during the day, and keeping a perspective that the sleep deprivation during the night is temporary help to cope with this. I have had to deal with insomnia before, so I am prepared for the sleep deprivation that comes with having a newborn.

Well, I hope that all of you have a wonderful day. If you are in your last trimester of pregnancy then you most certainly have my empathy. It can be trying towards the end when you are anticipating your new arrival.

Amanda

Waking Up Alone

torn asunder from a blissful dream

sitting by the waterfall in astral realms

I was tangled in your warm embrace

where I yearned to stay until dawn’s harsh light

unsure why mind started odd quarrels at 4 am

can heart be certain of what it heard?

or is the mind creating stories again?

what odd lonesome days these are!

a spirit searching for her companion

and waking up alone from the dream.

(c) Amanda Wilson 2013

 

 

Mental Chatter

incessant late night chattering

interrupting ability to enter swift dreams

plagued by an unanswered question

why do I feel so unseen?

even when viewed in plain sight

this nowhere woman

invisible

to them I am a ghost

nobody sees the true me

even in the garish light of day

a ghost cannot cry

they cannot hear this noise

monkeys…mental chatter

 

(c) Amanda Wilson 2013