Waking the Tiger

She slept in her dreamy meadow,

underneath the safety,

of a shady Bodhi tree…

A fierce yet lone protector of,

her carefree cubs tumbling over, 

one another and climbing the tree’s branches.

She slumbers inside you and I,

our secret sanctuary.

Until the world outside makes its challenge.

She will fight for herself; for her love.

Do you dare to awaken the tiger?

What wonders flow from her eyes burning bright,

In the darkness of the silent night.

 

(c) Amanda Wilson 2014

 

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Hibernation

Sluggish bear woke up during deep freeze’s grip

mama trying to protect her cub

her fur sealing out cold’s wrath

snow caked  she wanders out

it’s a cruel winter.

They are thinner than in previous years

she woke early from her slumber

confused by the blizzard outside

she turns around back to her lair

trying to return back to hibernation

Stolen Tea Moment

Early morning moment where all is calm,

Savouring the silence,

Tea kettle whistle breaks my morning stillness,

Infuser filled with perfumed tea leaves and water,

Steep together; creating peaceful magic.

A stolen moment of pause before my day speeds up.

Embracing my day to day chaos; remembering to breathe…

Inhale deeply.

Exhale slowly.

Healing balm where time stands still for one mindful moment,

Where body, mind, heart and soul find repose.

My familiar comfort called upon when stealing a moment for tea.

Mr. Wrigglesworth

Oh petit prince how you wriggle,

Waving hands and legs back and forth,

Still yet uncoordinated you are; filled with kinetic energy,

Little man whose smiles light up the room,

Your wide blue eyes soaking in everything…

From hockey game played by the home team,

To water droplets clinging to fall leaves,

You, my sweet boy, wiggle when you eat or battle slumber,

Rest your little head, my Mr. Wrigglesworth.

Sun has set so it’s time for bed.

Hear Me Roar

Something this past week lit a fire within me to express myself about how society’s perceptions of motherhood are unrealistic. Yet if one is brave enough to raise your voice loud enough others will judge you for having your own mind. Motherhood and life are a messy business.

Motherhood is the most challenging experience that I have had in the past two months. The time that I spend with my son, Dylan, is by far the most rewarding and challenging. You learn a great deal about yourself and what you are passionate about once you become a parent. I am become even more willing to express myself since my son was born as I realized that I could do far more than I thought.

Most of my adult life I have been dealing with both post traumatic stress disorder and depression. I have gained a lot of wisdom and much healthier coping strategies over the years. Mental illness does not make a person into an unfit parent, or a person who is less deserving of happiness. Our society does not encourage mothers to seek help for post partum depression, and many mothers fear judgement for asking for help.

Society says that we should be able to handle motherhood on our own without the help of family, our partners, or even outside assistance. Media portrayals of motherhood are far from accurate. What we believe and expect of ourselves as mothers is complete and utter bullshit! Our speed of lightening society doesn’t give anyone the right to breathe and try to do things differently. It may make me unpopular or even a bit of a rebel, but I choose to speak of my own experiences honestly. If someone doesn’t like how I express myself or who I am then that is their problem; not mine. As Katy Perry sings, “Hear me roar!”

Amanda

Dance Like Nobody’s Looking!

Earlier today I was singing this for my son and dancing like an idiot around the house. It takes very little to amuse a child. He was laughing and smiling within a few moments of his mother looking silly. When I am having a rough day being around my son puts what is really important into perspective. We should always make the time to be silly enough to laugh at ourselves. Once one forgets how to sing, dance and laugh…depression isn’t very far behind. What ever you can do to have fun today will keep your children or your inner child entertained.

Amanda

Postpartum Challenges

Since I arrived home from the hospital I have struggled to adjust to motherhood. It is not an easy transition for many women. There is judgement attached to when a mother expresses anything other than joy after she has given birth.

Sleep deprivation, hormones, and the gap between expectations of what motherhood will be like versus the reality can bring on postpartum depression or make it worse. If one has a history of mental illness then the likelihood of developing it can be greater.

Alanis Morrissette talks about her own struggle with postpartum depression also referred to as the “baby blues” in this interview to raise awareness. I am writing about the topic on this blog for similar reasons as even though I was aware that something didn’t feel quite right. I really didn’t feel like myself when I came home from the hospital. It is actually difficult for me to describe something that felt so raw emotionally.

It took me a while before I was willing to speak to anyone about it, because of societal attitudes towards those who admit that motherhood is not any easy adjustment for everyone. Long term it would do worse harm to myself and to my son to not deal with it.

Amanda