Zen Cat

Zen Cat

Life can be chaotic. Friday morning was one of those days where life got a little nuts. The hydro went out in the middle of the night. This meant that my alarm clock did not go off at the time that I needed to get up for my prenatal appointment. I actually was awake an hour later than I had planned.

Now potential lateness is one of those things that can trigger my anxiety. Normally, I arrive at least 15 minutes to half an hour early for my appointments or prior to starting a day at work. I very quickly took a fast shower and brushed my teeth then my husband and I left on the 45 minute commute to see my ob/gyn.

Before I go any further I should mention that my doctor works out of two clinics in the same community. We hit traffic on the way there, so we were already running late by about 10 to 15 minutes. We reached the medical clinic that my doctor works out of and she was not there. The office was undergoing renovations, so the receptionist and I were communicating via shouting.

We got the address for the other clinic and I was about half an hour late for my appointment. Now please bear in mind that I felt hormonal, hot (it was very humid here), and irritated by this point. When a pregnant woman reaches 31 weeks, and has an anxiety disorder it can make for an interesting combination.

Once I reached home the cat pictured, Teddy, climbed up onto my lap. He gave me his calm expression then began to purr very loudly once he settled down. It was like he was reminding me that after all the chaos there will be a moment of calm. I am hoping as I become a mother that things will start to ruffle my feathers much less and that I will be able to embrace the chaos more easily.

Amanda

Mental Chatter

incessant late night chattering

interrupting ability to enter swift dreams

plagued by an unanswered question

why do I feel so unseen?

even when viewed in plain sight

this nowhere woman

invisible

to them I am a ghost

nobody sees the true me

even in the garish light of day

a ghost cannot cry

they cannot hear this noise

monkeys…mental chatter

 

(c) Amanda Wilson 2013

Stumped on How to Relax

Stumped on How to Relax

The weathered old garden gnome has a permanent home every year on a stump in my front yard. He is surrounded by what ever flowers I choose to plant in the rock garden around the stump. He is a reminder to myself to take a break and relax amongst the bustle that is life. I don’t always listen to what my body, mind or soul needs to nourish itself. The past couple of days I have had sciatic nerve pain in my hips and back. This can be frustrating as the only thing I can do is make time for rest, and adapt what I am doing to the limitations of my body. Are we truly our bodies though? Nope, this bag of flesh and bone that I am housed in is only a temporary home for my soul while I am visiting here. I have it for this lifetime, so I may as well give it the rest that it needs, and respect its limitations.

Amanda

Beauty in Mess

Beauty in Mess

I took this photograph about a month ago near an old railway bridge. I found the pile of wood and the crack behind it to be interesting visually. There can be beauty even in the mess. Life is definitely this way especially on a rainy morning where this blogger did not sleep well the night before. Hope that all of you have a great day.

Amanda

Spiritual Sexuality

Spirituality and sexuality are two concepts in the West that tend to be at odds with each other first. The media gives more attention to the physical act of sex rather than to the other elements of it. This takes a great deal away from its true nature as the beginning of life, and creates a great deal of unnecessary inner conflict that devalues its true worth. The maker of the video touches on a lot of interesting points that connect karma, spirituality, sexual identity, and self-worth. Relationships are not just for companionship, or to enjoy the pleasures of sex, but can help us to heal, and further our personal growth.