Nightmare at Rocks

Midnight blue sky without stars or moon

Wind howling as it whips through the trees

Weighed down by a weariness

That she cannot shake in light of day

Or when the moon comes out to play

Holes punched in heart’s cloth

It’s a ragged garment soon to be cast off

She looks down at the blackness below her

A sound of water rushing against the rocks

No one calls her name behind her:

Would anyone mourn?

She swallows gulps of air then takes a running leap

Floating towards the water’s blackness

As the water fills her lungs

Sitting bolt upright in bed awakened from

Nightmare at the rocks

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The Nightmare

Laying down my tired body

a journey begins to flow

where I go to the place of hopes and fears.

~

Standing in a hospital’s hallway

hair on my arms begins to prickle

something is not right here; stomach churns.

~

Lying on a stretcher; you are there

your eyes are closed and messy dark hair

hooked up to a heart monitor, an erratic rhythm

~

I am looking in from the hall,

a disembodied witness wanting to scream,

as I hear the heart monitor sound the alert.

~

Nurses and doctors swarm you as little I can see,

I am pushed aside as they race,

they call “Clear!” and try with the paddles.

~

Your body rises up but still no response,

they try again…nothing

pulling a sheet over your face.

~

I collapse down on my knees,

as I can’t force a scream out,

tears won’t come as the shock is too great.

(c) Amanda Wilson 2013

Underworld

Chiron’s journey to the underworld

Underworld

Wandering darkness

Black without stars

Creeping ragged red eyed fear

Shrouded grey tatters

Screams of old agony

Lost souls who lost hope

Despair

Rage

Pain

Nightmarish visions of hell

Wake up! Wake up!

Remember who you are.

Love is the only power.

Hellish illusion vanishes…

Dawn lights the stairway to heaven.

Home again.

(c) 2012 Amanda Wilson

Once Upon a Nightmare

One of the things that few people understand about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is how nightmares and sleep disturbances can make life difficult. Last night or more appropriately early this morning was a really rough patch. I’m lucky that the really vivid nightmares have grown less frequent the longer that I have been working on healing. Last night was a rough one.

Sometimes the nightmares are so vivid that they wake me from a sound sleep. They can take the form of loud noises that leave me checking to see if someone is breaking into my home, or checking that I am in fact awake. Last night the nightmare was of someone pounding on my front door like they were trying to break in. It was so loud in my own brain that it woke me up from a sound sleep to check my doors and windows that someone was not in fact trying to break in.

I am hoping that some day I will no longer be held hostage by my own fear at night. When the nightmares were at their worst I was afraid to sleep at night. I have experienced sleep paralysis and night terrors. Sleep paralysis is your body frozen to the bed, and you cannot move even if you are seeing hallucinations in your room. It usually occurs when you are making the transition between sleep and waking. Some of my worst nightmares have happened during this time. Night terrors are nightmares so vivid that you could almost swear that they are real if you weren’t aware that you are dreaming. 

Vivid nightmares are the stuff that makes for excellent inspiration for horror stories like those by Stephen King. At least when the early morning light arrives you know that night has ended, and there is hope that the next night may be more peaceful than the previous.