Mirror Play

you saw the red eyed demon within

staring back at you

through mirror’s reflection

what you judge in the Other

your Ego whispers to destroy or deny

what ever the cost you will lash out

instead of facing your own darkness

I am the Other you projected onto

your Ego hisses to destroy me

struck down by fear of

your own reflection

Breastfeeding and Being a Rape or Sexual Abuse Survivor

Breastfeeding and Being a Rape or Sexual Abuse Survivor

Here in Canada, most healthcare providers are very pro-breastfeeding and there is a lot of great information out there on the many reasons why it is good for both the health of the mother and her baby. For some mothers, myself included, we have an extra consideration when it comes to whether we choose to try to breastfeed or not. A few of the issues faced by survivors are some of the recent ones that I have been struggling with, while trying to breastfeed. This article is informative, and gives an accurate picture of what a survivor may struggle with when trying to breastfeed or being okay with the choice even not to do so. Whatever a mother chooses no one else has the right to judge if her choice is meant to keep her and her baby healthy.

Amanda

Cracked?

“Cracked,” a Canadian police drama became available on Netflix earlier this month, and I ended up watching the whole first season over the course of a few days. I am very picky about what television series I watch for a variety of reasons. I may tune in for a couple of episodes then find neither the characters or the development of the story are compelling enough to keep me tuned in.

“Cracked” is a Canadian police drama that offers the viewer something very different. Aiden Black, played by David Sutcliffe, is a very interesting character as he is both a cop and coping with post traumatic stress disorder. Over the course of the series you watch how he copes with trauma that he has experienced, as well as the effects, it has on his relationships, career, and the way that he approaches cases. He is one member of a team that specializes in investigating crimes of a psychological nature. The other characters of Leo Beckett, Dr. Daniella Ripley, Poppy Winsett, and Inspector Diane Caligra all have a depth to them, which makes them very interesting.

The cast in this video discusses a bit more about the series, and tells a little bit about their characters. “Cracked” is worth watching episodes on Netflix Canada, or if you are located in Canada via:
http://www.cbc.ca/player/Shows/Shows/Cracked/

Hope that you will check out the television series if you have an interest in something unique or enjoy psychology.

Amanda

Death to Analysis

sometimes mind’s meanderings are just

nocturnal noise…nonsensical at best

dream or nightmare are just thoughts

thoughts and emotions flow away like rushing rapids

not a drama of Jung’s archetypes acted out

on the mind’s stage; seeing The Hanged Man martyr himself

or a Freudian wish fulfillment coping with repressed desires

just me who wishes to feel what I feel

calling for death to analysis

 

(c) Amanda Wilson 2013

Silence as Weapon

Silence as Weapon

heart wears battle scars

inflicted by throwing knives

silent and deadly

ignorant of  an alleged sin

provoking your disdain

oh so unworthy am I

to hear your angry words

no…

waste your contempt on

weaker vessels

I am weary of cowardice

ignoring truth makes it grow stronger

in the blackened corners you hide it in

deflecting blows from silence

as weapon

(c) Amanda Wilson 2013

Self-Compassion and Coping with Anxiety

Anxiety is a very common psychiatric disorder with about one in every five people coping with it on a regular basis. That statistic means close to 20 million people cope with anxiety, so it is a very common experience. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder falls under the umbrella of anxiety disorders. Often those who cope with depression also experience anxiety as well.

Anxiety releases a chemical reaction in the body that produces unpleasant physical symptoms like:

  • Racing heart or chest discomfort
  • Trembling
  • Nausea
  • Hot and cold flashes
  • Feelings of unreality or disorientation
  • Dizziness
  • Scary uncontrollable thoughts
  • depressed feelings
  • fatigue
  • feelings of helplessness
  • Panic episodes
  • muscle tension
  • migraine headaches
  • numbness in different areas of the body
  • Strange aches and pains

A little while ago I was experiencing anticipatory anxiety, so the small little rabbit in me started to get frightened. Later on today I receive the results from a series of medical tests, and an ultrasound during a doctor’s appointment. My doctor ordered the tests after he learned that I hadn’t seen a medical practitioner in over four years. I am worried about what these results may be, because they are unknown. Once I know what is going on I will feel relieved either way as I will know what I am dealing with.

One of the things I learned is that with practice I can control my anxiety. My experience with trauma means that my mind and body can more easily generate the chemicals that cause the bodily symptoms of anxiety. The flight, fright or freeze response is necessary to our survival as human animals. Fear is a natural emotion that tells us when something is up. This fear over my health led me to change my eating habits, try to sleep better, and get exercise on a regular basis, so it was a powerful motivator.

A Positive Approach to Handling Anxiety:

  1. First thing this morning I acknowledged that I was feeling anxious. My increased heartbeat, muscle tension, feelings of helplessness, upset stomach and scary thoughts around those medical tests were a sign that something was bothering me. Most of all I accepted without judging my body’s response as a sign of my anxiety.
  2. It’s important to recognize what is bothering you. Sometimes it takes you a little time to think about it if you are unsure. Trusting your feelings goes a long way in making this easier over time, which requires you to be a little compassionate towards yourself. Now I knew pretty clearly that for me it was the unknown results of those medical tests.
  3. Give yourself permission to feel anxious about whatever it is that is bothering you. “Of course I feel anxious because of ___________. Or it is okay to have anxiety.”
  4. Use positive dialogue to talk yourself through your anxiety. Anxiety passes in a couple of hours, because our bodies cannot maintain the chemicals that cause bodily symptoms for too long. An example of the positive self-talk I used this morning was, “It is perfectly normal to feel anxious about the medical test results. Once you know what they are the doctor will treat whatever it is with the best medication or treatment. You will not lose control, and will find a solution to deal with any health issues that arise.”
  5. Get busy. This means doing something to distract yourself from the way you are feeling. I find that doing something physical tends to be the best thing, or to get my brain focused on something. This morning my distraction was writing this blog post.
  6. Try to see a little humour in the way that you feel. I dropped a cup in my sink this morning due to my muscle tension and had a good giggle over my case of the “dropsies.” It’s okay to feel weird for a little while. The less that you judge your anxiety or how your body reacts the easier it is to change the pattern.

I have been using these six steps to deal with my anxiety for about two weeks now, and I do notice a difference. It does require mindfulness to pay attention to how your body is feeling and to trust those feelings. The more that I practice this way of coping with the anxiety, and change my inner dialogue to a more compassionate one; the less time that I spend feeling anxious.

As I close this blog post, I am feeling a great deal calmer after following those steps. It’s my hope that this blog post may assist someone else who is dealing with anxiety. All of you are deserving of freedom from fear and a state of peace.

Amanda