She Don’t Know

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Last night I lie awake in my bed with my mind wandering to thoughts of how women reject their appearance. We are taught by the media from an early age that beauty fits into narrow constructs. At least it was that way when I was a teenager and a young woman. I feel that we had our self esteem eroded away to keep a consumer economy going that plugs into our dissatisfied egos.

What would happen if we embraced our natural state of beauty? What would happen if we bought products that made us feel good? What if we allowed ourselves to be seen in our authentic uniqueness? Maybe we could  start a self love revolution. Gala Darling wrote about radical self acceptance. Radical acceptance is accepting and loving every aspect of yourself as is.

I took the photograph above last night on my cell phone after I had put my son to bed. I am not wearing any make up. I am wearing my glasses, a favourite t-shirt and I feel peaceful after a busy day. I feel very beautiful in this photo because I am my natural and authentic self. I am comfortable in my own skin.

It wasn’t until I hit my mid-thirties that I started to feel beautiful in my own skin. I was bullied as a young girl for carrying extra weight. I developed early as a teenager, so I became very self conscious about my curves. There were rejections by men in my twenties for who I thought were prettier women. There were the men who paid compliments to try to get what they wanted.

When you feel uncomfortable in your skin it affects different aspects of your life in negative ways. It resulted in limited success in the career that I pursued. We choose behaviors that can be unhealthy and people who do not support us in being true to ourselves.

As I heal those wounds around rejecting myself then my life begins to shift. I attract new friends and relationships when I am true to my self.  I receive new opportunities to use my talents and skills in ways that bring joy to the world around me. I develop a deeper spiritual relationship with God when I am who he created me to be.

Below in the comments please share with me what makes you unique and beautiful.

Amanda Daoust

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The Necessary Betrayal

Hello everyone,

My previous blog post to this one was dated back in December just shortly after my father passed away as a result of a long two year battle with cancer. The grief is still at times very raw and fresh. My sensitive heart needed time away from writing when I could not even string together a coherent thought beyond coping with my day to day experiences. As a mother, my limited energy needed to be channeled towards caring for my son. I realized recently that I have been operating from a state of depletion when I give to others in my various relationships whether that is my spouse, son, family members or my friends. One cannot give to others if you have nothing to share. Veronica Krestow shares a personal experience where she had to make a very difficult choice to put her needs first before those of a loved one, and examines the difference between giving to satisfy your ego and genuinely giving from a space of love. I recently made a similar choice in my own life that was very difficult, but I know intuitively will have a far better result for all those involved. Hope that you can find some wisdom from Veronica sharing her personal story.

Amanda

Radical Self Love

This video is a Ted Talks event done by Gala Darling in 2012 on the subject of Radical Self Love. She hits on the frightening statistic that only 4% of women view themselves as beautiful. She offers some interesting suggestions to get started on the journey to self love that include a radical self love journal. It is never satisfying to seek validation outside yourself when the true sources needs to be you. This is a journey that I am beginning myself as I am tired of feeling uncomfortable in my own skin. That discomfort means that a change in how I relate to myself is needed.

Amanda

Turning Pages

Leaves mark the passage of time by changing bright colours before they fall gracefully to the ground. There is a crisp coolness to the air as I button up my black wool jacket. Halloween decorations abound in the aisles of local stores. As I returned from my afternoon of errands I watched school buses rumble down the roads. Why did summer fly by so fast?

A few of you who follow the blog may have noticed that I posted far less during the summer months. Summer is a busy time full of family events and gatherings. Family gatherings can be anxiety inducing for me as my husband has a large family. It isn’t possible to opt out of family gatherings when you married into a large family. Most of our weekends we spent going to these gatherings through July or August. As September arrived I am enjoying our quieter weekends.

Most week days it is just my son and I who spend the day together. Dylan is at the very active age of 14 months old. He is bright and very curious to explore the world around him. The toddler stage can test the mettle of even the most patient of parents. Today was a very good day but also tiring.

It is Friday evening and was a very long week. I feel much older than I did on Monday. This was a long week for many reasons. My introspective mood probably is not helping matters. Next week , on September 23rd, it will be my 35th birthday. Time feels like it is flying by so quickly that the moments to catch my breath are rare treats. A human life span is really a blink when you compare it to eternity.

Monday started off with angry words between myself and someone I care about. If it was possible I would love to rewind to that moment and prevent myself from opening my mouth. The exchange of words ended up in the severing of a relationship. The reasons for a conflict matter very little when the connections we hold in our hearts mean so much more.  Life is too short to carry resentment and anger in my “baggage.”

This week was one of new beginnings. I am making the conscious choice that my actions will support how I show love to myself. One choice is to eat as healthy as possible. I retire for bed at night much earlier than I used to as my body demands more rest. I walk or go swimming on a daily basis to show my body love by getting it to move. I spend a little time each evening reading, writing on the blog, creating art or crafts or watching a favourite movie.

This morning I began reading information on “Anahata” or heart chakra balancing. I have read about chakras before, but I have not worked with them. The past few months I have carried a great deal of anger and grief. I feel the need to learn more about releasing these so I can release that negativity.  My blog may record some of that journey.

Amanda

Waking the Tiger

She slept in her dreamy meadow,

underneath the safety,

of a shady Bodhi tree…

A fierce yet lone protector of,

her carefree cubs tumbling over, 

one another and climbing the tree’s branches.

She slumbers inside you and I,

our secret sanctuary.

Until the world outside makes its challenge.

She will fight for herself; for her love.

Do you dare to awaken the tiger?

What wonders flow from her eyes burning bright,

In the darkness of the silent night.

 

(c) Amanda Wilson 2014

 

Speaking to Soul

I don’t know how to speak to you,

not since childish innocence,

confronted with darkness within myself

All parts denied or long hidden away

Until a ripping open of Pandora’s box

where only one important ingredient remained hidden

as it did not escape

dear Soul where have you been?

where are you hiding in the muck?

a golden orb that flickers still

can you light the rest of my way home?

(c) Amanda Wilson 2013

Reflecting on Freckles

On Monday evening, I had the privilege to visit a friend who I haven’t seen in a couple of weeks. The weather here made a very quick transition from the cold of late winter into sunshine with the temperature in the double digits. My friend and her children spent a few afternoons and evenings enjoying the sunny warm weather. April is fair skinned and a red head who develops freckles when she spends a lot of time in the sun. She told me once as a child that she was very self conscious about those freckles.

Her red hair, and yes even those freckles, make her beautiful in the eyes of those who love her. When you look in the mirror at yourself how do you view those things that you perceive as imperfections? Those who love you could very well argue that they make you unique and special. How wonderful it would be if we choose to love everything about ourselves?

Natasha Bedingfield’s song “Freckles” caused me to smile when I heard it. My favourite lyric is: “A face without freckles/ Is like a sky without stars.” The night sky loses something when the stars are not out. We lose our most lovable qualities when we try to hide them from others, or do not give them the love that they deserve. It is very much a waste of time to not love yourself for the all the unique and wonderful qualities that you can share that will enrich our world.

Amanda