Nightmare at Rocks

Midnight blue sky without stars or moon

Wind howling as it whips through the trees

Weighed down by a weariness

That she cannot shake in light of day

Or when the moon comes out to play

Holes punched in heart’s cloth

It’s a ragged garment soon to be cast off

She looks down at the blackness below her

A sound of water rushing against the rocks

No one calls her name behind her:

Would anyone mourn?

She swallows gulps of air then takes a running leap

Floating towards the water’s blackness

As the water fills her lungs

Sitting bolt upright in bed awakened from

Nightmare at the rocks

The Nightmare

Laying down my tired body

a journey begins to flow

where I go to the place of hopes and fears.

~

Standing in a hospital’s hallway

hair on my arms begins to prickle

something is not right here; stomach churns.

~

Lying on a stretcher; you are there

your eyes are closed and messy dark hair

hooked up to a heart monitor, an erratic rhythm

~

I am looking in from the hall,

a disembodied witness wanting to scream,

as I hear the heart monitor sound the alert.

~

Nurses and doctors swarm you as little I can see,

I am pushed aside as they race,

they call “Clear!” and try with the paddles.

~

Your body rises up but still no response,

they try again…nothing

pulling a sheet over your face.

~

I collapse down on my knees,

as I can’t force a scream out,

tears won’t come as the shock is too great.

(c) Amanda Wilson 2013

A Tribute to Mindy McCready

Hello everyone,
On February 18th I was listening to my local radio station when the news announced that Mindy McCready had died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound. She is a country music artist who is best known for “Ten Thousand Angels” and “Guys Do It All the Time.” Mindy fought a very public battle against alcoholism and mental illness for many years.

I can very clearly remember the feeling she conveys in “I’m Still Here.” During the storm you can try to hang on for dear life. The journey through mental illness and addiction are not for the faint of heart. Her song shows that she had strength and courage.

The depiction of mental health issues in the media is slowly changing although there is still much to be done. With five deaths, including McCready’s, tied to Celebrity Rehab it makes one wonder if exploitation is more important than recovery. McCready herself was fearful of stigma and ridicule.

Recovery can’t happen where fear exists.

Amanda

Farewell to Samhein

Fourteen years ago on this night, I was at a Halloween party when I heard that my close friend Jason had committed suicide during the early morning hours. As time passes the wounds have healed greatly. My reaction when I was told by the mother of the party’s host must have been shock as I asked her if she was joking. I can remember exactly what I was wearing that night, the people who were at the party, and the feeling of forebooding that I had tried to shake all day long. Time has not dulled my desire to see my friend again when God sees fit to call me home. Time has, however, with healing gave me a greater desire to make the years between my birth and death count for something. Birth, death and rebirth are part of a greater cycle that one can see in the natural world around us.

Farewell to Samhein

On a dark Samhein night,

The veils of time chose to part

When dreams of darkness take flight

Summoning the lost one’s heart.

Hear the bodhran pounding air

Calling, calling the rolling mists

We dance around bonfires fair

A whispering on the breeze insists.

The Great Mother issues her charge:

“To remember cycle of the year

By facing your fate without fear.”

Our hearts sing along funeral barge.

One soul reaches for my hand

As full moon kisses spirit’s highs

Life after life-merry meet without sighs

Old lover journeys to new land.

Merry meet when the veils part

Old friends and lovers float in mists

Comforting us by memory of heart

Souls leave before dawn insists.

(c) Amanda Wilson 2012